i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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