I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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