no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
