he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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