I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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