So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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