Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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