lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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