I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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