Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
