Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
NoShamevember. You game?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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