So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dick very happy bro
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
