Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
