no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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