You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
