I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
