the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
