Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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