Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
