Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize