i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
