I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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