Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Still dying that you shit outside
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
