i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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