Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
