i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
