He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
