Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
