Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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