I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
