I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize