In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
