Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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