i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
