At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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