then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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