Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
