he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
