If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
