Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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