Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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