He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
