meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
do nipples grow back?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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