dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
