Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
