No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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