There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
