i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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