paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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