The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
