mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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