Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
