he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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