Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
