You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
