shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
