I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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