we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
