remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
