Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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