Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
