Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
