I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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