She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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