life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
