i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
