After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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