And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
