oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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