everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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