Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
