Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
