maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
