I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
