i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
