Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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