o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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