hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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