I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dick very happy bro
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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