And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
