Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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