sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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