so that wasnt chicken after all
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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