I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
