She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
